So when people leave, I’ve learned the secret: let them. Because, most of the time, they have to.
Let them walk away and go places. Let them have adventures in the wild without you. Let them travel the world and explore life beyond a horizon that you exist in. And know, deep down, that heroes aren’t qualified by their capacity to stay but by their decision to return.The Staying Philosophy (Everyday Isa)
I have never seen something that more accurately describes how I’m feeling right now
This is how my job feels…
Uninspired. Unmotivated. Confused. About to break…
I don’t currently have any hobbies as the ones I was involved in cost too much for my budget right now. Those were my only girl friends. And they understood my dating and relationship troubles, even though they were all happily involved themselves.
I have other interests, hobby-wise, but again, cost is an issue.
I have 2 friends. Just 2 people I feel I can share anything and everything with and not be judged at all. But both are in long term serious relationships. One just had her boyfriend move in and took a new job which has her traveling every other week, and spending her free time home with her boyfriend, so I haven’t seen her in months. My roommate is the other friend, and his bf is over here about 95% of the time anyways so there’s really no hang out time just the two of us.
So I honestly feel like I have no friends currently. No one I can just call up and grab a drink or dinner with and just chat about anything.
I’m not entirely sure what to do at this point. My job has its ups and downs, but more downs than anything. I feel stuck. I have been applying to anything and everything to find a new job in my field, but I haven’t gotten a single call back either for anything, which is very disheartening and makes me feel like a crappy designer.
I wish I had the drive to be free lance, but free lance designers get walked all over. At least having a 9-5 salary job, I have some security. But there is no room for growth, no pay raise hopes, and we are in the middle of finalizing a merger with another company and that makes me even more nervous for my job. They might not get rid of marketing in general, but they could choose to outsource my designer position again. I am hoping that won’t be the case and they will actually let me hire my own team of designers in order to take the load off my shoulders that I currently have.
I also miss him. I know it’s been about a month since we broke up, and we were only together for about 3, but he understood me. In all aspects. We were a perfect match. And we didn’t even break up for any bad reasons, so I’m finding it difficult to be mad and move on, because I still have a lingering hope. He said he wants to be my friend and if he gets his life sorted out, he would take me back in a heartbeat. But with a new job promotion, going back to school, amongst other things, I was not something that fit properly into his life at this time. So he let me go.
It would have been easier if he had just said there was a flaw between us and we didn’t work after all. But no. That wasn’t the case. And while he told me not to wait around for him, I can do nothing but. I have no interest in seeking out another relationship. Because I don’t feel anyone will compare or be better than he was to me. He only let me go as a fairness to me as he felt he could not give me an adamant amount of “hang out” time in a relationship.
I would have been fine treating it as a long distance relationship and only seeing him once a month, but he still felt that wasn’t fair to me to hold me back.
So I understand. But I am beyond sad and I can’t stop missing him.
I don’t need condolences or things of that sort, but suggestions for cheap/free hobbies or help finding extra work so I can set aside some extra money for a vacation for myself (no internet porn or things like that), I would greatly appreciate it. I am just barely making ends meet with the money I make now and everything I owe money on monthly. I have cut the fun things out of my life basically. No more lootcrate or going out to eat or meeting up for drinks or joyriding or going on adventures or road trips.
I do wish I had another friend or two who enjoyed the outdoors. I have access to two kayaks and would love to get out more and just be active, but I certainly don’t want to go alone, nor is it really safe to go out on the river like that alone. I also miss the gym, but again, a gym membership is out of my budget, and working out from home alone is completely demotivating.
Sorry for the long rant. I don’t think anyone will actually make it this far. But thank you if you do.
But I have a Macbook and an iMac (game isn’t supported on Apple products at all)
And both of the roomies computers are shite (one just can’t load the game, even though the graphics card is AMAZING, the computer is not. And the 2nd one the computer is AMAZING, and the graphics card is not, so it’s ridiculously laggy and hurts my eyes to play)
Maybe one day I’ll get to try to survive for more than a day…when the game is out of the Alpha mode or whatever.